Ruthermore, Potbelly and ‘Four’.

Somewhere, in amongst the twisted turmoil of the mind, there occasionally appear tendrils of normality.

These are very quickly squashed lest they get out of hand; so we plunge back into a kind of semi-controlled madness that takes over what passes for living.

For instance, last night I checked the pulse of a dead man. You may think that this was a fairly fruitless exercise but I should wish to point out that he was very freshly dead as a result of somersaulting his new Volvo. Volvos (Volvoes?) are very strong except when you drop them on their roof. The result was that his neck broke, I could tell because he was listening for his own heartbeat—never a good sign when someone’s ear is almost on their chest.

And he was twitching.

This is what happens when you try to go past a queue of traffic at high speed and fail to notice a large piece of kerbing sticking up to separate traffic at a junction.

So there was a journey that took the rest of someone’s life. Very sad. Somebody is sitting at home waiting for their takeaway or, even, just for Dad to come home and give them a kiss goodnight.

I drove the rest of the way home very carefully after that, as you might imagine.

We are all, in our own way, strange. We do strange things. Sometimes we do things where we are overtaken by madness. The result of that is sometimes not so good for our friends and families.

In my imagination there live lots of strange people. Some of them live with a fellow called Ruthermore Heidigens.

Beloved asked me where I got the name. I told her it crawled into my head and sat there staring at me until I used it. Idea sprites do that; they are mean, delinquent and persistent.

In the first ‘episode’ of ‘Ruthermore Heidigens’ story he is engaged by the Planetary Fiscal Committee to assist in the apprehension of a certain Tarbert Mutch who has insisted on the presence of Heidigens. If Heidigens is not there the location of the Fifth Planet will be revealed to all.

Currently the ‘known Universe’ consists of four planets. Ruthermore, it should be said, is the finest Wizard in that known Universe. By his own admission he is also the only Wizard in the known Universe thus, by default, becomes the best.

The Planetary Fiscal Committee are an all-powerful body who, as is explained, do not want others to know of the existence of another planet in case people actually go there, make money and do not reveal the source of this bounty to the Committee.

Politicians, you see. Ah! Now you understand.

The second Ruthermore story, just completed, is about a sixth planet. They set off to look for it on a fairly routine adventure, discover that it is inhabited already but cannot retreat because Chau, Ruthermore’s daughter, is assailed by a voice in her head.

Ruthermore will not let that go unpunished. He may be a fat and gentle soul but he is a devil when roused. Threatening his daughter is one certain way of attracting his attention rapidly.

It is occasions such as this that will get him out of his comfortable existence. Ruthermore reasons that, since he can cast spells, there is absolutely no reason why he should work—or do anything that remotely resembles work; his daughter waits on him hand and foot and he always, but always, has a comfortable chair to sit in.

That last is much to the eternal chagrin of his would-be partner and business associate, Rennidl Dienst.

During their stay on the sixth planet (Earth, by the way) Chau mentions to a policeman that her Dad is a wizard. The policeman, not unnaturally, asks if his name is Merlin.

Chau is shocked! “Dad,” she says, “He knows Merlin.”

And that, dear souls, is where it is all left wide open for yet another ‘Ruthermore Heidigens’ story.

‘Suit, Potbelly, Earlobes and the Rest’ is a short story. From the ‘off’ you have to figure out who is the bad guy in all the goings on. It may be that, even at the end, you will not really know. Will ‘Knees’ be taken? Will they ever get ‘Tonsure’ back? Maybe that will become another story.

For those of you who have read the short story called ‘Three’s Company’ there is a treat. The sequel, a short novelette, has gone to the publisher; it is called ‘Four’s a Crowd’.

Instead of heading North, the gang go East up into the hills. They do this to find some gold.

As you will remember, they have no use for gold but the ‘ghosts’ of the Northern Jungle want some. In exchange for the gold they will clean Metth Croym’s beloved painting.

Metth absolutely does not wish to relinquish the painting—especially to the ‘ghosts’, but he feels that there is an inherent threat. He has no choice.

He heads South to see Iffan Beute and Oggun Raud, together with three lads from the village plus Three they set off to find the gold.

Everything starts out just fine and then, on the day when they feel they must turn around and head back, disaster strikes...

Now to bend my head to the keyboard to work more on the third novel—‘The Adepts: Book Three—Pitch Perfect’.

Incidentally, I sometimes do requests. Never fear dropping me a line with ideas, thoughts, suggestions. We all get idea sprites. Let them do the work!